At the end of a recent test Sensei did not ask a question I had heard him ask during other tests--"Who amoung you feels deserving of your promotion?" This is probably just as well since my answer to him most likely would have been, "No." Yes, I had learned the required techniques, forms, and sets, and I knew that I was not expected to be able to execute these with the precision of a master though I should strive toward that goal. Also, I had always tried to do my best in classes as well as during tests and so, I did not feel that I had less than a proper attitude. However, my "best" varied and my performance was not what I would have liked. Besides this I knew that the requirements for testing would soon be upgraded and I lacked these additional techniques. No, I did not feel worthy of the new, higher rank, but the question wasn't put to me and I momentarily kept my reservations to myself and accepted the promotion. Later when I had opportunity to consider my decision, my feelings hadn't much changed, but gradually I began to see my new rank in a different light. When a person first becomes a student, he or she is given a white belt. That person need not know the first thing about karate or the martial arts, but he or she is then considered a karate student. When the student enters the dojo for the first time, the first move of Blocking Set is something to be learned yet would any of us say, that person is undeserving of a white belt? Not at all. Instead we would encourage that person to live up to the requirements and obligations of being a martial arts student. Over the course of his or her training the student would hopefully learn and grow. His or her change in status from a "non-student" would become more and more apparent. Then one day the student would be put to the test and perhaps receive a yellow belt. We tend to think of obtaining a yellow belt as "a goal achieved." "Now you are a yellow belt," we might say with congratulations. But aren't we really saying, "You have shown your proficiency as a white belt. Now, here is your new goal--to be the best yellow belt you can be." With all that in mind I have come to humbly accept in my heart the new rank and goal granted to me and perhaps by the time my next test comes along I will have proved myself "deserving" of the belt I now wear. I will certainly try my "best" as variable as that might be.
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