STAND SET #1

1.  Place hands on thighs, bow, (bow lower if Sensei is watching) and
step out with left foot toward 9:00 (to the left for those of you with
digital clocks) into a horsey stance (named for its similarity to the
appearance to the legs of a horse who is currently mounted by a
seriously overweight rider.)
    Slide your left foot back together with your right foot (as if you
forgot what you were doing and have to start all over again.)  Put your
hands on your hips and leave them there.
    Step out with your left foot again (as if you really did forget,)
then slide your left foot back into a right neutral bow.  (No, you don't
bow again--that's bow as in "tie."  Oh, forget it!  Just don't bow,
okay???)
    Bring your right foot back into a cat stance.  (Historical note: 
The cat stance was discovered when Mr. Parker, a well-known lover of
cats, nearly stepped in what his little "Precious" left on the carpet.)
    Slide your right foot to your right and pretend you're that poor
horse again.  (Don't whinny.)
    Slide your right foot back into a left neutral bow.  (I know, I
know.  "Why is it called a "left" neutral bow, if I moved my right
foot?"  Because your left foot is forward!  If I had a nickel for every
time ...)
    Anyhow, ... Now, bring your left foot back into a cat stance.  (Yes,
"Precious" was at it again.  Why Mr. Parker didn't just get rid of that
dern cat ...)  Then, pretending there's this really big stain on the
carpet, step back and around your right foot into a twisted stance, then
turn out of it into a right neutral bow.
    Now, pretending that "Precious" was part mountain lion, part
buffalo, bring your right foot back into a cat stance, followed by a
twisted stance, and end up in a left neutral bow. (For those of you who
can't follow that, you're stepping in it.)
    Turn into a reversed bow (to see if you've averted the mess,) turn
into a forward bow (to double check.)
    Bring your right foot forward so your feet are together, (scowl at
the cat, then watch as someone else starts cleaning up the mess.)
    Step back with your left foot into a right neutral bow (you just got
a wiff of it.)  Turn into a reverse bow (it really is pretty gross,)
then into a forward bow (as the last of "Precious'" gift is removed.) 
Turn into a twist stance (approaching the area of the carpet
cautiously,) then with your left foot step over the wet spot on the rug. 
Twist again (and grimace.  You didn't quite step far enough) and untwist
into a left neutral bow.
    Slide your left foot to the side in a horsey stance (and be glad it
wasn't the horse who left the present,) then bring your left foot to
your right (leaving you in the one spot you're sure "Precious" missed.) 
Then step with your left foot to the left again and close with a sigh of
relief that "Precious" isn't your cat.

Note:  Technically, a person should remain standing throughout the
entire Stand Set, hence it's name.  For those of you who find the
motions of Stand Set too complex or grueling, (or you simply turn out of
a twisted stance too enthusiastically and tend to get yourself really
knotted up) perhaps the Sit Set would be more for you.  See Sensei for
the Sit Set Sheet.  (And be very careful of your enunciation.)



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