Who Laughs Last? Hee, Hee, Hee ...

    Hey, there you are.  Wasn't sure you were going to show up tonight--
not after that trouble we had the other night.  What?  You didn't hear
about it?  Oh, yeah!  It was in all the papers ... come here.  Come on ...
sheeit, you act like I got bad breath or something.  If you want to hear
about it, get over here!
    That's better.   This isn't the kind of thing you talk about in polite
circles, you know.
    So, where was I--oh, yeah.  I was going to tell you about the other
night ...  Hey, did I mention how good you look?  Yeah, you do.  That
color just matches your eyes.  Bet you like this outfit too, huh?  Yeah,
it always was one of your favorites.  In fact, I think you like this on me
almost as much as you like it off me, eh?  Aren't you the sly one, hee,
hee, hee ... 
    Oh, right!  Yeah, I was going to tell you about the other night.  Well,
it started out like tonight, you know, same raw chill in the air.  One of
my friends stopped by--you know the one.  Blonde, hot looking body.
Yeah, that one.  So, anyhow, we're talking and you know how I
am--can't keep my hands to myself ... what's that?  Oh, sorry.  See what
I mean?  Anyhow, we're standing here talking--well, mostly talking--and
minding our own business, when this stranger comes along.
    I barely noticed the stranger at all, had other things on my mind, if
you catch my drift ... hey, what's that scent you have on?  That's nice,
real nice.  Come here a little closer.  There you go.  Good night to
snuggle, huh?  What's that?  Oh, sorry.  My hands do tend to drift at
times ...  Oh, so, I was telling you about this stranger.  Well, my friend
didn't care for this stranger at all.  I didn't care one way or another
myself.  I had other things keeping me occupied, if you know what I
mean, but my friend ...  well my friend just didn't care for that stranger
at all!  Kept looking over like this stranger was going to do something
downright nasty or something.
    Well, I got tired of that real quick, I can tell you!  Hey, you know
how I am.  If I'm devoting my attention to somebody ... hey!  You want to
hear this or not?  Well, all right, then.  No, no, that's just a shadow
from the building.  Gees, you're getting as jumpy as my other friend was ...
    Anyway, I decided it was time to send this stranger packing.  You know
me, I don't take crap from no one.  Well, I was in rare form that night,
I'll tell you.  I told that stranger straight off, I said, "You got
no reason to hassle us so why don't you just move yourself along and
let decent people be!"  That's what I said ...
    For a while it looked like the stranger was going to take off and I
was ready to get back down to business.  Yeah, we were getting real
cozy ... just like you and me now ... oh, you like that, huh?  Me, too,
baby--hey, you're not jealous or anything, are you?  Yeah, yeah, I
know you've got your friends too.  That's okay.  Hey, variety is the
spice of life, right?  Hee, hee, hee ...
    Yeah, so my friend and I are getting nice and cozy, just like you and
me now, and all of the sudden, bam!  This stranger just rips my friend
right out of my arms.  Never in my life have I seen anyone move so
fast, then bam the stranger rips my friend's throat out like my
friend was nothing more than a hunk of chicken meat!  God, it was so
gross--thought for sure I was going to puke, then the stranger ...
Hey, are you all right?  You don't look too well.  Something you ate maybe?
    So, anyway, the next thing I know, the stranger's tonguing my friend's
neck all the while looking straight at me.  Oh, you should have seen the
blood!  I knew I was going to be sick then ... Are you sure you feel okay?
Look, I told you, that's just a shadow.  Relax ... yeah, cuddle up.  That's
right.  Just right.
    But you want to know something really strange about the other night?
The longer that stranger stared at me and the longer I watched that
tongue ... well, I just sort of went cold inside, then hot, Hot, HOT.
The next thing I know, that stranger's holding out my friend's body to me
as if to say, "Here.  Have some."
    Oh, I know.  It does sound kind of gross, but you should have seen it.
Just looking at the stranger's eyes would tell you that the stranger
thought this was some special treat.  Would you just go ahead and
offer your special treat to someone you didn't know?  I know I
wouldn't.  I'm greedy.  I'd want to keep it all to myself.
    But not this stranger.  If I wanted some, we'd just share and share
alike.
    Well, you know what a sentimental fool I am and besides there was
that slow-licking tongue giving me goose bumps and making me hot all
at once.  Then again, that was ... well, used to be a friend that stranger
was holding out to me and no matter what else I am, I ain't no turncoat!
    But then again, my friend was dead ... hey!  Wait a minute.  Where
are you going?  I haven't finished the story yet.  Come on.  Back here
out of the wind ... there.  That's right.  You always were the curious
type, hee, hee, hee, ... Hey, well, if you'd quit trying to pull away, I
wouldn't have to be hurting you by holding on so tight, now, would I?
    There.  Now what was all the fuss about anyway?  Hurt my feelings, you
know.  Haven't I always been good to you?  You know I have.  Sure.  Now,
cuddle up, baby, so I know you're really sorry and I'll tell you the rest
of the story.  That's right ...
    Well, the cops came by about an hour later--routine patrol, you know--
and they weren't too happy, I'll tell you.  "Twelfth body in four days," I
heard one of them say.  The next two nights in a row they kept chasing
everyone off the streets, yelling something about "curfews" and "Don't
you people read the papers?"  Wasn't till tonight the cops finally backed
off and gave people room to breath ...
    What?  What happened to the stranger?  Oh, headed uptown, I guess.
But don't worry, I asked the stranger to stop by tonight.
    This time it's my treat.  Hee, hee, hee ...